I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
