im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
