im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
