yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just forgot I was standing up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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