You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
