That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
