omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
