I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
