in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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