Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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