I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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