And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
