I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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