I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
