terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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