Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
