just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
