listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
