yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the raccoons are back...
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