Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
