ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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