I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
