Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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