If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
