I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize