i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
