My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
