I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
