Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
