sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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