Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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