You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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