I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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