In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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