Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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