I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
