forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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