I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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