i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize