next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
