my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
