She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will pee on everything he values.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
