apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Holy shit dude........stairs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
