Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
