it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
