dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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