im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize