Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
