he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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