there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
