Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
