some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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