I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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