If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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