Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
