Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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