did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
