Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
