The best revenge is premature balding
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize