I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
