I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
