highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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