you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
