if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
