I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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