you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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