if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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