you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
