Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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