Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
